Monday, May 31, 2010

For those joining late...

Here's the best summation of Global Watch I could come up with.


Sunday, May 30, 2010

"An embrace of fascism in the name of freedom"

These days, you can't call for dogs to be put on leashes without being called a fascist. Hell, I sometimes think that parking meters are fascist devices, meant to get MY money for the "public good." (Or, as the person who typed in Global Watch would put it, the "pubic good.") It's my right as an American to park anywhere I want, Hitler. So, to edify myself, I looked up "fascist" in the dictionary. Here's what I found.

Fascists believe that a nation is an organic community that requires strong leadership, singular collective identity, and the will and ability to commit violence and wage war in order to keep the nation strong.

Where have I heard that before? Oh, yeah. In Global Watch.

Another aspect of fascism, I learned, is the interconnectedness of business and the military.
Fascists present their ideology as that of an economically trans-class movement that promotes ending economic class conflict to secure national solidarity.[26] They believe that economic classes are not capable of properly governing a nation, and that a merit-based aristocracy of experienced military persons must rule through regimenting a nation's forces of production and securing the nation's independence.[27]

Again, I seem to remember reading that somewhere. Oh, yeah. Global Watch again.

So, Global Watch is an aristocracy of experienced military persons who command the nation's forces of production. And the person who typed in Global Watch portrays these people as heroes. Lovely.

In his defense, I do not think the person who typed in Global Watch is a fascist, but I think he has produced, unwittingly, a piece of fascist propaganda. Through a very poor understanding of political science and economics, Global Watch presents a very frightening view of how America should work. Yes, it is all fun and games for military personnel to run Coke and Pepsi and play jokes on the American people, but...consider the ramifications, Global Watch! Had those ramifications been considered, perhaps Global Watch wouldn't have seen the light of day. And perhaps I would have spent this morning outside, enjoying my freedom.

Happy Memorial Day weekend, everybody. If you like your freedom, thank a veteran. Not Global Watch.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

A Little Detour

I know I'm supposed to be going down the list of problems I pointed out here, but I caught a second wind of loathing last night before I went to sleep*. I revisited some paragraphs that I had hoped would have been corrected in the Re-edited One Year Anniversary Edition of Global Watch. And, behold.

Another instance of professional editing: "Unites States." Can't even proofread the name of your own country.

The highlight for me, though, is the phrase, "cost the U.S. both monetarily and resourcefully." Resourcefully, Global Watch? Like so many of your other attempts to depict humans speaking, this makes no sense. How can something cost resourcefully? Screw it. You know what, person who typed in Global Watch? Give me the name of the editor you used to professionally edit this. I'll get your money back myself.

I'll return next time with my explication of Global Watch's fascist streak, but I just needed to go after this paragraph.

* Marketing idea: Global Watch pajamas. Made especially for bedwetting children who soil themselves in fear at the drop of a hat.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Helping Out

During my hiatus, I had a revelation.
It was not enough to hold up Global Watch to ridicule.
What would really make the world a better place would be to guide the person who typed in Global Watch on the path to enlightenment. To that end, I will start posting things that the person who typed in Global Watch should read before he attempts to write stories about covert American freedom spreading agencies.
So, as a follow-up to yesterday's post, I provide today's reading first.
1. The Church Committee report on the NSA and the 4th Amendment. In particular:
We have a particular obligation to examine the NSA, in light of its tremendous potential for abuse. ..Indeed, as our hearing into the Huston plan demonstrated, a previous administration and a former NSA Director favored using this potential against certain U.S. citizens for domestic intelligence purposes.

2. Democracy in America by Alexis de Tocqueville
Because I doubt the person who typed in Global Watch has ever heard of it.

3. 1984 by George Orwell.
Because the person who typed in Global Watch might see a little bit of himself in it.

And, as always,
4. Strunk and White's The Elements of Style.

I hope this helps.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

"An utter contempt for the American people"

So let's recap.
Global Watch is a top secret organization that runs all the nation's big businesses and universities. Its mission is to protect the American way of life. Its executives run around the world getting drunk and hitting on each other constantly. But the worst part? They think the American people are stupid. Dig it.

Then there's this.

Let's recap again.
The person who typed in Global Watch thinks that an organization that cavalierly releases cover-up stories and lies to the American people is the very model of American democracy. Moreover, the American people will be too besotted by "peace" to ask too many questions of their government.

Damnit, person who typed in Global Watch, asking questions of government IS American! I hate to sound like a Tea Party crazy, but it seems to me if you're inventing superhero government agencies that embody American ideals, you might at least be consistent and have those agencies be answerable to the American people. Especially when you describe said superhero government agency as having a mission statement that says the following:

Do you know what helps make something be an icon of truth? Not lying!

In the larger context of Global Watch, this is one of the big three problems I have. The person who typed in Global Watch thinks that these people are heroes. That the American people need these superhero liars to protect them from the truth. Well, let me say this: I don't want to live in Global Watch's America.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Back from Hiatus!

Oh, man, did I have a great time. Read some classic literature, played jug in a hillbilly band, got kicked out of the hillbilly band for my views on cornpone. Good, eye-opening times.

Anyway, I'm going to focus on three (more) big problems I have with Global Watch. These posts are worth the wait, and have been fun to write. As I see it, I could go on and on for another year cataloging the spelling and grammar mistakes in Global Watch. And that alone would demonstrate the half-wit talent we're confronting. But the larger story and concept reveal some more disturbing things about Global Watch. In it, we find:

1. An utter contempt for the American people;
2. An embrace of fascism in the name of freedom;
3. A blood-thirsty anti-intellectualism.

These three things are what I'm going to tackle now that I'm back on GlobalWatchWatch. With a little luck, the person who typed in Global Watch will think long and hard before releasing Book 2 upon us.

Fired up!

Monday, May 17, 2010

Broken Promise

I know. I know. I promised I'd be back from hiatus by now.

I need a couple of extra days.

Until I return, enjoy this.

It has something to do with spelling.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Still on hiatus

As promised, I've been reading and writing...
and waiting.

I'm tentatively planning to resume this blog next week.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Minor blog maintenance

Just trying to stay current with the Web 2.0 gadgetry. As you'll see, I added a Facebook like button, to more accurately find out who likes this blog. I expect this to have a similar result to the invitations I sent out for my seventh birthday party. The birthday party that nobody came to. I think my Dad ducked out early from that one.

I'm not bitter or anything.

It's a test run, to see if GlobalWatchWatch can go all Facebooky. If not, hey. There's always more therapy sessions.

Update: I removed the Facebook "Like" button. It seemed a little over the top. You can, however, still link to posts using the Share button below.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Sunday Comics Time


Still on hiatus.
I'll probably take another week or so and then return.
This, however, was too good and too relevant not to share.

(Click on the comic to view the whole thing.)