Sunday, March 28, 2010

Back to Fun

Here's another great scene that makes me laugh, then retch.

I guess Global Watch is like the religious Youth Group I got kicked out of when I was younger: horny people talking about God and making out. That Kyp and Laura are 34-year old adults really adds a big spoonful of "eew" to this decadent sundae.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Response, Part 2

In the statement accompanying the release of the Re-edited One Year Anniversary Edition of Global Watch, the person who typed it in says the following:
However, after a year of collecting feedback from both fans and critics alike, I am re-releasing Global Watch in a new, professionally edited format.

I admit that a lot of the punctuation problems have been fixed, and that he has finally learned the difference between "than" and "then." Huzzah! But I'm not done.

So we're clear here, "professionally edited" means "edited by a professional editor," right? Someone who takes money to edit words went through Global Watch, and fixed all the mistakes, right? That's the point of re-releasing it after a year of editing. Because if that's the claim being made, could you explain the following three mistakes to me?



If those mistakes seem familiar (because who can forget a good "pubic" joke?), they should, because this blog pointed out those errors on October 11, 2009.
Here's the original:


You see why I doubt the claim that this edition was "professionally edited." A professional editor may have missed one of those "pubics." Maybe, after a beer at lunch, the second one slipped by. But to leave three instances of the same mistake unchanged, after this blog pointed it out? That's not professional editing. Why, then, does the person who typed in Global Watch make the claim that this was professionally edited, when it clearly was not?

More questions than answers, my friends. More questions than answers.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Response, Part 1

I thought a bit about the announcement of the Re-edited One Year Anniversary Edition of Global Watch. And I've concluded it's full of deception and intrigue.

First problem:
My vision for the Global Watch series has always been to share my work with the public quickly and efficiently though online publication


On the title page, three copyright dates are listed: 2005, 2009, and 2010. There were four years between that first copyright and when he started selling it online. Four years! That's a heck of a lot of time to make sure it's perfect. So I don't believe he had to rush Global Watch to market to keep up with the changes in the publishing industry.

Second problem:
In that regard, I chose initially to act as both author and primary editor of my work.


Then why, as I've noted here, did he credit his mom with being his editor? I like how he cleverly parses the phrase "primary" editor. But on the dedication page of the original edition, he says his mom "read every page repeatedly and tirelessly worked with [him] to craft and perfect Global Watch." That sounds like something the "primary" editor would do.

None of this makes sense. The more I read the statement accompanying the Re-edited One Year Anniversary Edition of Global Watch, the more confused I get.

Finally, what kind of person sells you a poorly developed product, then fixes it like he should have done the first time, and tries to get you to buy the same product that you already have in your possession? That's what the person who typed in Global Watch is doing with this ploy. This is what he says:
"The story and characters that you have all grown to know and love remain completely intact, but the text and syntax are now polished to match the integrity of the novel..."
Assuming you've "grown to know and love" the story and characters, and have sufficient dope to make it to the end of Global Watch, why the hell would you want to buy it again? It's shameless in its admission of incompetence. "The first one I sold you was crap. But you should buy it again because I took a stab at editing it this time." If the person who typed in Global Watch were honest, he'd refund everybody who bought that first attempt.

In Response, Part 2, I challenge his claim that this second attempt was professionally edited.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Big News!

Just saw this.

GLOBAL WATCH: Re-edited One Year Anniversary Edition (March 2010)

Thank you to all of my loyal readers and supporters. The launch of the one year anniversary edition of Global Watch commemorates the current fluid nature of the publishing industry. My vision for the Global Watch series has always been to share my work with the public quickly and efficiently though online publication.

In that regard, I chose initially to act as both author and primary editor of my work. However, after a year of collecting feedback from both fans and critics alike, I am re-releasing Global Watch in a new, professionally edited format.

The story and characters that you have all grown to know and love remain completely intact, but the text and syntax are now polished to match the integrity of the novel and will become the ongoing standard for the Global Watch series.

Read a free excerpt at: jzeibert.wordpress.com


I have some things to say about this, but I wanted to let you all know that our efforts here have not been entirely in vain.

Stay tuned for my critique of The Anniversary Edition.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Survey Says...

I love user-generated content. And so should the person who typed in Global Watch, because this blog's readers just served him one awesome plotline.

According to last week's polls, people want Book 2 of the exciting series, Global Watch to go something like this.

Kyp is gone missing and presumed to have gone rogue. In reality, he is shacked up in a seedy love nest with Piper Strobe. Unaware of this, Max goes off to find him and bring him back, dead or alive.

Watching the TV in their no-tell motel room, Kyp and Piper learn that Wolf Blitzer has been brutally killed. Kyp and Piper grow suspicious, and believe his murder was done by the Knights of Columbus, who wish to take over CNN. Will the couple stop the plot before it is too late, or will the Knights of Columbus control the nation's media? Kyp and Piper do it one more time before they decide to save the world.

Meanwhile, Bruce Dominguez and his team of novice Global Watch agents are riding around Washington, DC in a short bus. They, too, have grown suspicious of the Knights of Columbus and are riding the short bus in order to get close enough to the Knights of Columbus Hall without suspicion. This is a brilliant disguise because, really, they're riding the short bus. Max is drawing closer to apprehending Kyp and Piper, and a showdown occurs with many different combatants. Bruce, the head of the Knights of Columbus, Kyp, Max, and Piper all find themselves locked in a bumper boat battle to the death. The corrupt head of the Knights of Columbus thinks he has shown Global Watch how easily they can be swayed to evil. But being pure of heart (well, sort of), the Global Watch agents save the day, and put an end to the Knights of Columbus.

At the end, Piper tells Kyp that she is pregnant. Kyp, being a true gentleman, offers her lots of hush money if she pretends the child isn't his. Max Park understands what is at stake, and agrees to publicly claim paternity of the child in order to preserve his friend's reputation.* Everything at Global Watch returns to normal, and the world never learns how close it came to being ruled by the Knights of Columbus.


Hear me, o person who typed in Global Watch. I would pay $1.99 to read that story.

*I got this idea from John Edwards.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Conspiracy Friday

The person who typed in Global Watch gets us excited with his description of the plot of Book 2 as :
a team of Global Watch rookies becomes intertwined in a web of international intrigue more tangled and complicated then it’s prepared to handle.


Help the person who typed in Global Watch choose which diabolical organizations are in this web of intrigue. Like all good conspiracy theories, there should be a far-reaching network of evil, so I set up the poll so you can pick more than one organization. Remember, the more tangled and complicated the better. Feel free to add your own organizations and explanations in this post's comments.

Remember, you can pick all that apply.



Thursday, March 18, 2010

Love and Rockets

At the end of Global Watch, Kyp kisses Piper Strobe and invites her out for pizza. A real Romeo, that guy.
Obviously, Book 2 of the exciting series, Global Watch has to make room in the plot for the romance of Kyp and Piper. Where does it go? Are Kyp and Piper two people caught up in a flame that has to die down soon, or is it a nice day for a white wedding?*

You decide! Help out the person who typed in Global Watch by telling him how far you see the Kyp-Piper mating going.




* My iTunes library is playing some really odd stuff lately.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Riding with the King.

In Global Watch, a lot of attention was paid to the planes, cars, and watercraft that Global Watch agents used. They had the Maybach 62. Submarines. Mini-subs. "Robust" 777s, whatever the hell those are.
So, in Book 2 of the exciting series Global Watch, some new vehicles need to make their debut. Help the person who typed in Global Watch choose the vehicle that the agents will use to save democracy, or freedom, or liberty, or whatever the hell concept gets thrown around like confetti.



Tuesday, March 16, 2010

The Showdown

The main drama of Book 2 of the exciting series, Global Watch should occur when the hero and villain finally square off, once and for all, to settle it. In these final showdowns, there's usually "a big reveal," where either the hero or villain reveals something dramatic and unexpected. Or they just monologue. Could go either way, really.

Help the person who typed in Global Watch select the right dramatic reveal/monologue for the big showdown.



Monday, March 15, 2010

R.I.P. ? T.B.D.

With all multi-part epics, and poorly scripted TV dramas on CBS, there comes a time when the audience must bid an all-too-soon farewell to a central character.
Think Boromir in The Lord of the Rings, or the first lady agent on NCIS. Also, the sixth Huxtable child.
So, too, must Global Watch see a character take a dirt nap.
Help the person who typed in Global Watch choose the right one. Vote in the latest poll.


Sunday, March 14, 2010

It's your turn!

In my anticipation of the second installment of the exciting series, Global Watch, I frequently check the Global Watch blog. The latest word on Book #2 reads like this:
News on Global Watch Book 2

With the completion of Book 1, I have drafted story arcs for the next two editions of Global Watch. Book 2 is well underway and will focus on the core GW team and the state of the world as it was left after the events of Book 1. I am also introducing a new team of GW recruits along with a few other international organizations.


There's even a page where we will supposedly get sample chapters when the person who typed in Global Watch unleashes the sequel upon an eager reading public. Until that glorious day, we have to be content with this:
A preview of Book #2 in the exciting series, Global Watch:

Everything that the team at Global Watch has fought to defend is unraveling around them. In the wake of a major victory toppling the Eastern European Empire, GW’s best agent, Kyp Sanders, is missing and presumed to have gone rogue. Max Park, Kyp’s best friend, is sent to hunt him down and bring him back, dead or alive. As tensions mount and Max draws closer, Kyp must reconcile his allegiance and determine for which side he is really fighting.

The stakes rise as a training mission goes seriously awry and a team of Global Watch rookies becomes intertwined in a web of international intrigue more tangled and complicated then it’s prepared to handle. The future of the country is at stake. Global Watch’s best agents are temporarily vulnerable and defenseless, and the only force that is capable of saving the day is the novice team of eight young men and women and their instructor, Bruce Dominguez. All external communications are down, and Bruce and his team believe this crisis is part of a training mission. Little do they know that the danger is real and that as Max Park hunts Kyp, Kyp is hunting Bruce and his team.


This got me thinking. If Book 2 of the exciting series, Global Watch is still being written, readers like us might still be able to influence how it turns out. So, all this week, I'll be posting polls to solicit your opinion about how the exciting series, Global Watch can be improved. With a little luck, the person who typed in Global Watch might garner some valuable feedback on how to create something that people might enjoy.

Here's the first poll question. Check back all week for more opportunities to improve the exciting series, Global Watch.


Friday, March 12, 2010

Chapter 30

I'm not going to say much about this paragraph.There are no serious grammatical or spelling errors.

My only concern is that I think an eight year old wrote it.
I don't see how anybody but a third grader could think that the concept of "super coalitions" would make for interesting reading.

Monday, March 8, 2010

County



Another mistake made multiple times.

It's almost been a year since Global Watch came out. Isn't it time for another installment? I don't think I can keep this blogging pace going. Not that there's not enough errors to post for another year. I mean, do you know what it does to a person's brain to read Global Watch almost every day?

Some family members won't talk to me anymore. Clerks at my grocery store avoid me. I'm turning into that guy in the movie Pi.

Friday, March 5, 2010

My favorite part of the Global Watch webpage

From the Global Watch blog.


Have a great weekend, everybody!

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

I have a confession.

My confession is this: I was sick the past couple of days.
It all started when I was going through Global Watch looking for some particularly hellish prose with which to make you swoon. I passed over a lot of bad punctuation and worse grammar looking for just the right nugget of atrocious.

Then I came upon this...



And the vomit started.

My word, I still get the dry heaves when I read this. I have seen Precious Moments figurines and Tijuana Bibles that depicted love more accurately.

Because I've been away so long, I will pontificate a bit longer. In his attempt to depict human emotion, the person who typed in Global Watch comes across as a sort of real-life Emmeline Grangerford, the character in The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn who wrote the unforgettable line:

O no. Then list with tearful eye,
Whilst I his fate do tell.
His soul did from this cold world fly,
By falling down a well.


Thank you, Global Watch, for a long-overdue purge.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Quick update

Life (real, gritty, joyous life) has reminded me of priorities.
Sorry for the lack of Global Watch hilarity.
I will post more as soon as I am able.

You all rule.